Jackson: Bigger than anything
Michael Jackson wasn’t the only major entity who died last week. The American Broadcast media has been on life support for a long time, and it has finally died. As a result, The News has been cancelled. If you get desperate for the “other” news, try newspapers or better yet, TMZ, (which covers other celebrities).
From now on, MSNBC, NBC, CNN, ABC, and CBS are the Michael Jackson News Network. Michael Jackson News trumps all others, even more so now that he’s dead. Michael Jackson News led the 3 major networks in their primetime news broadcasts today in America, trumping the stories of nearly 10% unemployment and the story of an American soldier kidnapped by the Taliban. Those stories were not nearly as important as where MICHAEL JACKSON’S MEMORIAL SERVICE WILL BE HELD, which will be at the Staples Center in L.A. Also, did you hear a new video of his last performance has surfaced?
That’s all you really need to know. Non-celebrity News is hereby canceled in the United States. Tune into the Michael Jackson News Network (that’s all of the ones listed above) for more real Michael Jackson news, 24/7, apparently until the End of Time.
After all, the guy kidnapped was just a soldier fighting in some war. Unemployment goes up and it goes down. Eh, not news. But OMG, who will get MJ’s kids?!
After all, Michael Jackson was the self-ordained KING OF POP, and therefore, more important than war and unemployment and all the rest.
What other news do we really need, anyway? If you think you’re missing something, just play “Beat It” again.
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